On Collecting Sunrises, Synthesizing Life Lessons & Smelling Toes

Good morning, Sunshines. :)

Yesterday, I started an album titled Sunrise - Work in Progress in which to collect all the remarkable sunrises I'm lucky enough to shoot. This morning's sunrise is the second entry.

I know there are a few other amazing sunrises I've managed to shoot floating around out there, and I wish I'd started gathering them sooner, but the best we can do is do better going forward, right?

These days, I find myself in a familiarly restless place in which the idea of achievement (or my lack thereof) tugs at some piece of my ego, and I question the value of my output into the world. No doubt it's compounded by my identities outside of motherhood that are clamoring for greater freedom from the mostly amazing and adorable tyranny of a two year old.

There is a constant struggle between the part of me who wants to make a bigger mark out there where success is measured in tangible, material, and yes, clearly remunerated terms, and the part of me who wants to be here with and for Izz, and our family in general, to continue to witness all the big and little miracles and moments I either could not be or chose not to be present for when my older two were her age.

These moments require a certain philosophical discipline to continually redefine success or achievement in terms that best align with my conscience and current priorities, recognizing that the priorities can evolve over the seasons of my life.

They require me to step back and see my life and my very personal life lessons in broader perspective.

And from that broader perspective, I have to remind myself that I've already learned how to make money, and how to do things that reap applause and attagirls from the world out there. I have to remind myself that I have already taken those pursuits to literal and figurative fatigue in the chapter before this one.

What I'm still in the process of learning is how to fully and peacefully appreciate the intrinsic rewards of being increasingly more present in this little world in here.

And when I think of it that way - in terms of my evolution as a human being - I realize I need to stay in this place a while longer. At least until I stop needlessly struggling with it, if not longer.

I have this feeling that when I get there, the next chapter may just be the one in which I learn to balance both parts of me more beautifully than I could have imagined before. But in the interest of returning to the present lesson, I'll try to leave that little anticipation here on this page and take it no further for the time being.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm being summoned to smell take in the fragrance of some adorable toddler toes.

Happy Tuesday,

shinae :)



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