Monday, October 19, 2015

Starting All Over Again...

At 42, my journey with food as work has been a long running on and off relationship, starting with growing up in my parents' restaurant in Arizona and ending with spending the last 4.5 years sharing daily food and cooking related content with a larger audience than I ever imagined, with some fun, interesting, and even quite lucrative gigs along the way.

Through it all, I've known in my heart it wasn't my calling, but it was often quick and comforting access to a place closer to my soul than some of the other work I stumbled into. Turning and returning to working with food was an easy salve for the feeling that I was betraying my soul with a number of other life choices and money making endeavors.

Through it all, I've never forgotten what I wanted to be the last time I knew with certainty what I wanted to be when I grew up.

And now that working with food and all the other stuff that's happened in between has finally brought me to a place where I feel safe and grounded enough to do it, I'm throwing away the easy sense of achievement that the food has been giving me for the past couple of years, and, in a sense, crawling back to my first true love and passion.

I've already felt a tinge of withdrawal in the past day, knowing that while nothing and no one is stopping me from sharing food again, I have to keep myself from it so I can sit with the nothingness of starting over long enough to be ok with being stripped of the identity and recognition that food has brought me.

Once again, I am relearning to work on something for the sheer love of it, with no certainty of it bringing me money or recognition, but with the certainty that my soul requires it.

Starting all over again is gonna be rough/hard/slow/tough, and all that jazz.

But we gonna make it. <3

No comments:

Post a Comment